Theology of saying “goodbye”

It was a difficult thing to do, but it had to be done.  I offered my Mass of Farewell to the beloved parish of St. John Church in Westminster, where I had served for five years.  It’s never easy to say goodbye.  After much prayer, thought and discernment, I decided that I would NOT say it!  Instead, I offered the good people of the parish a more “Godly” perspective of my departure.

In the English language, saying “goodbye” can be misunderstood.  The word or expression connotes a sense of permanence that does not exist in other cultures.  In English – depending on how we say it – “Goodbye” could imply “good riddance.” 

It was at this Farewell Mass that I think the young English language can learn a few distinctions from older, European languages and how they deal with the reality of separation.  “Au revoir,” in French, and “auf wiedersehen,” in German, both mean “until we see each other again.”  That’s also true for the Italians’ “arrivaderci,” and the Spanish phrase made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Hasta la vista – baby!”  Again, those languages mean the same thing as the English “goodbye,” but (in my opinion) with a greater sense of hope of a reunion.

In Faith, “goodbye” is never permanent.  There is a real core belief that people will eventually see each other again, not in some reincarnated state, but as they truly are!  Even in the most seemingly permanent moments of goodbye, such as in death, our Faith challenges people to see the deeper reality.  The prayer “viaticum,” which is the official sacrament given to someone who is dying, literally means, “via” – on the way “ti” – you  and “cum” – with, hence, “on the way with you.”  It’s a reminder that when the person is going to meet their Maker, they are not alone.  We are comforted that the “viaticum” is another way of saying “adios” or “to God you go!”  The funeral ritual also has a prayer that consoles, and reminds family and friends that “life is changed, not ended.”  In God, the person can live forever.  For now we say goodbye, but we really should be saying, “arrivaderci!” or “see you later” – and mean it!

This thought actually comforted me quite a bit, because it transformed the Farewell Mass from a moment of sadness into one of inspiration, hope and joy.  Faith helps us remember how our paths are supposed to cross in God’s plan.  Therefore, we ought to consider our relationships now and ask ourselves, “Are they peaceful, wholesome, Godly?”  If ever a person is suddenly removed from our lives, are we ready to say “goodbye?”  And if we say “arrivaderci,” are we confident that we will see each other again?  And if so, where?  Heaven?  Or someplace else?

This Wednesday, July 25th, we celebrate the Feast of St. James.  He was one of the three disciples (Peter, James and John) who saw the Transfiguration and Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He and his brother John were eventually sent out to the ends of the world.  Both would eventually suffer martyrdom, and they knew it! When they both had to say “goodbye” to each other, I wonder how they said it.  I’m sure that St. James confidently offered his farewell to his brother and the other disciples with a firm recognition that they would see each other –  if not on Earth, then definitely in Heaven.

This theological precision of saying “goodbye,” but really meaning “arrivaderci,” can help families cope when they have to part for college, a long-distance job, or when a son or daughter leaves the home to share his or her life with another in marriage.  It can provide a greater impetus to make sure we live our lives with a hopeful expectation (not presumption) that Heaven is all about a reunion, where we can truly see each other again.  Therefore, even though there is sadness in our “goodbyes,” we must also recognize the hope that destiny has for an eternal communion with those who promise to see each other again.

Catfish Saint James

In honor of our Patron Saint of the Day, I found a very simple and tasty recipe called “Catfish St. James.”  This recipe can hopefully bring some family and friends back to your table, especially if you haven’t seen them in a while.  And by the way, catfish could easily be replaced with another white fish, such as sea bass or mahi mahi.  Consider preparing this menu as you prepare to send off your college student and say “arrivaderci!”  Good food will not only comfort those leaving, but it will surely comfort those who may forget that “goodbye” should really mean, “until we see each other again!”  For the recipe [click here].

There are so many times we say goodbye in a given day that I think we take it for granted.  We do it when we get off the phone or leave each other before our morning commute.  It may be a good idea to pause for a moment and consider those people to whom we say “goodbye.”  And perhaps, we should be more mindful and start saying, “see you later” – and mean it!

Let us pray:
“God of Heaven and Earth, our lives are temporary and yet we are called to live eternally.  Help us to see the joy of our reunion in Heaven, and in the meantime, bless those who are struggling to say “goodbye” to loved ones or even to relationships that need to end.  Strengthen us to always hope for the best for others, and help us to be confident that You are with us every step of our way.  We ask all of this through Christ our Lord.  Amen.”

Ask Fr. Leo for fatherly advice.
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